• Sweet Hanukkah dance moves http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZnnyNFW274&feature=related
• Child almost making it in the pool http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tn_Lfbuq7Xw
• Face plant with boogie board http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6-8wiMTS0A
• A solid fall down some stairs http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJ_qeFeIWZM
• Stripper mishap http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWj_Q_NpR34&NR=1

I drunk dial, text, email, etc.  Basically, when over-served, I should just be isolated to a room with a bed and, if I have behaved myself, maybe a television.  I like late night infomercials.  And now, by late night, I mean like 1:00 AM.  A gal’s got to get her beauty sleep.  Otherwise, I am a down right terror.

Personally, I feel as though texting and phone calls while inebriated can be acceptable.  Unless you are like I am and tend to get just a wee bit on the inappropriate side. 

Regardless, it is so easy to shrug off.  The mobile phone is just so readily available!  Hell, you can even go as far as to blame them on someone else (as long as you don’t leave a message or give away tell-tale details).  Usually, I have to admit guilt.  But emails are a whole different ball game.  You have to go to a computer, sign-in and pick out who your victims will be. 
 
As I mentioned before, when I lost my iphone in a cab one night and when I couldn’t find the mobile phone, I went immediately to the computer.  There was a land line, but I was a woman on a mission.  I had to try and get a hold of those randomly selected individuals at 3:30 AM on a Saturday.
 
Had Mail Goggles, a new lab feature google is launching, been available I could have saved myself from sending a mass email to friends (some new friends at the time) informing them that they could call me on my land line (which I failed to remember at the time I was sending said email) in case of emergency.  I signed it  “I love you all.”  So creepy.
 
You indicate what times you would like this feature to activate and then you don’t have to think about it.  According to the Official Gmail Blog, the default time is between 10:00 PM and 4:00 AM on Fridays and Saturdays.
 
As my friend Liz pointed out, one would have to answer a few questions asked by Mail Goggles before they allowed you to officially send your email.  However, I looked and they are mathematical questions.  I don’t care how drunk I am, math has never been my strong suit.
 
Now, if only they could figure out something like that for my text messages….

Because he is the only person on television who manages to capture the frustration of forward-thinking Americans every night on his hour-long broadcast.

Because he manages to be bold without being brash, insightful, inspiring and doesn’t shy away from being totally and utterly outraged when appropriate.

Because he calls John McCain on his bullshit and on his willingness to allow racism permeate and disease his campaign. I guess desperate times, desperate measures is the name of the game in the McCain campaign – at least we have Olbermann.

Here he is at his very best, yesterday evening. By the way, in a nod to my conservative friends, I objectively fact-checked this article. You can rest assured that everything Mr. Olbermann asserts in correct and easily found within other news sources.

Here is the link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036677/#27188417

My morning ritual of watching The Today Show, drinking coffee and replying to emails has become an exercise in full-blown anxiety. And when Matt Lauer doesn’t make you feel better about the state of the world, I don’t know what will. With soaring gas prices, sinking home values, failing banks, unemployment figures on the rise, Sarah Palin actually being one step away from the White House and oh yeah, the fact that the Dow seems to be in a permanent free fall, things are scary out there. So scary in fact that some mornings I’d like to just roll over, pull the covers up, close my eyes and hope it goes all away. Unfortunately for me, I have the utterly inconvenient task of making a living to attend to and spending my morning in bed watching Regis and Kelly is not a part of my job description. Sometimes we all need a little motivation in the morning and here is what keeping me going:

Reasons to get out of bed in the morning:

1. It is fall. Okay, fall in Phoenix is not exactly the picturesque scene one might imagine. But it isn’t 110 degrees outside, I can wear a long sleeve t-shirt without dying of heat exhaustion and I wore boots last night. That, my friends, is worth celebrating.

2. With fall comes pumpkins and with pumpkins comes pumpkin pie and in tandem, the only time it is socially acceptable to take home a pumpkin pie along with your weekly groceries. You know, because you might be having people over for dinner or something. Or maybe just yourself for dinner.

3. Sex. You might not be having any at all, but the possibility of having some is worth waking up…and shaving your legs for.

4. The fabulously good looking man I see at Starbucks every morning. I don’t know what he does, but I’m pretty sure he has an Australian accent and I’ve since created a fantasy life for him. It is worth noting that his profession of secret agent allows him an awful lot of free time to spend drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. At the risk of embarrassing myself, a glimpse of him is sometimes the only reason to wake up.

5. On the subject of fabulously good looking men, Daniel Craig is alive, well and sharing the planet with us. There is a small, but present chance in running into him.

6. My online shopping addiction means a package could arrive at my door today. I know Suze Orman would literally crucify me, a young professional with credit cards, no mortgage, no real assets, spending money frivolously on fashion, but let me plead my case. Is there a better thrill than coming home from a long day at work and finding a giant UPS box deliciously encasing your new boots from shopbop.com? I think not. And that’s why I must disagree respectfully with Ms. Orman. Yes, I am young, yes, I am fabulous and shit, yes, I am broke, but clothes make my life. They inspire me, they make me feel like me and my half hour of putting together my outfit in the morning is my favorite part of the day (unless of course, I’m having a fat day. In which case, you should stay away from me). So, I say, I choose debt Suze, I choose no assets, I choose shopplanetblue.com, Gilt Group and all the rest, and most importantly, I choose Anna Sui. Because if her fall 2008 line isn’t worth getting up and out of bed for, then I have very little to live for.

The short list: I get up for good coffee, the possibility of laughter, my great friends, Adam Carolla on the radio and the realization that if I survived junior high, I can survive anything. Especially since the money that I could have invested in the stock market was instead invested in my closet…I’m better off than someone who worked at Lehman. Whew!

Here’s my new favorite song (yet another great reason to get up):

Today, I have been revisiting my former love of Paula Abdul.  Okay, who I am kidding by using “former?”  My undying love for Paula Abdul.  Especially her album, Forever Your Girl.  As you may have read in the “About Me” section of this blog, I was a card carrying member of the Paula Abdul Fan Club growing up. 

For the past few weeks, I have been talking with a family member on a daily basis about the trials and tribulations of his present life, living situation, etc.  As a karaoke enthusiast and overall music lover, I tend to immediately assign most life situations with their own soundtrack.  I have songs that I like to sing in my head while I walk, when I am sad, songs I immediately assign to people the moment I meet them.

I usually tend to gravitate to songs from the 80’s or early 90’s.  As of late, I can’t stop listening to “She’s An Easy Lover” by Phil Collins/Phil Bailey.  The duet really gets me.  I also recommend the following tunes, if you are feeling so inclined.

• Damn, Wish I Was Your Lover – Sophie B. Hawkins
• A Roller-Skating Jam Called Saturdays – De La Soul
• Forever Young – Alphaville
• Electric Relaxation – A Tribe Called Quest
• Just Like Heaven – The Cure
• You Dropped a Bomb on Me – The Gap Band

When I walk, I often “hear” the beats for Missy Elliot’s ‘Pass that Dutch’ if I am feeling sassy.  Once I even took an online quiz (I was really bored in college and didn’t want to do homework) and they told me my life theme song was ‘Groove is in the Heart’ by Dee Lite. 

Today, for my cousin, I chose ‘Cold Hearted Snake’ by Paula Abdul.  I even went as far as serenading him some of the (revised a la L.) lyrics to the song and suggested he purchase a copy of the Disney movie “Ice Princess” to place strategically on a pillow. 

He’s a much bigger person than I am.  But it did get good laugh.

If you really want a great song, try ‘Bump ‘n’ Grind’ by R. Kelly.  I don’t see nothing wrong.

It’s probably because it is. 
 
Each week, each month and each year seems to be flying past me.  This is something that keeps me up at night.  Which is really quite silly because, as they say, nothing is certain but death and taxes.  So why waste energy stressing about something over which I have no control?
 
I guess it isn’t so much that I stress about dying, but more so that there actually is a limit on things I will get to experience, what I will get to accomplish and who (if anyone) my actions will impact.  And also, I will sit and think about how simple and stress free things were for me between the ages of four and 11. 
 
I pick those ages because at four is when I have one of my earliest memories – my little brother being brought home from the hospital.  And I chose age 11 because at 12 was when I started to notice boys,…and that they did not reciprocate.  I was a real looker with glasses, braces, not a great dresser (think overalls) and weird hair.  At 12, you go to Junior High, and for girls, cliques form and everyone gets catty.  Even though everyone is awkward at that age.
 
But looking back, from four to 11, life was great.  I was told when to wake up, my mom would “do” my hair, my clothes were pretty much a standard uniform of whatever I felt wasn’t itchy (I still hate 100%wool sweaters).  My laundry was done for me, lunches packed daily, dinners always at 5:30 PM and both parents could effectively help me with my homework. 
 
I didn’t know what it meant to hate your job/boss, what it felt like to be depressed, experience heartache, having legitimate (and sometimes irreversible) fights with loved ones, paying bills or any sort of real responsibility.
 
However, on this Day of Atonement, I have been reflecting on the past year, a concept I had a hard time grasping until well after the age of 11.  This year has been one a great change for me.  I like to call it my life campaign slogan “Life Changing in 2008″.  Everything that does not push me forward in my life, is excess to shed.
 
And today, I am happy.  I am happy that I have loved, that I do love and I am loved.  I have responsibility and am responsible, and that feels pretty damn good.  I can put myself to bed at whatever time I want and I LOVE the smell of clean laundry (that I wash and fold myself).  And now that I live at home, I can pay my bills.
 
I am a work in progress, still trying to shed the few things that are holding me back.

I try to keep my writing light, but I am so fervent about this particular point that I had to express it because OH MY GOD, how is the mainstream media not hitting on this every day???

According to Sarah Palin, who by November could be one stalled heartbeat away from the presidency, she believes in supporting wholeheartedly working women, single mothers and women everywhere….

Hmm, so you’re telling me that to support them, you cut all funding to every program in Alaska that caters to young single women. You’re telling me that you’re supporting working women by refusing to promote legislature that would raise the salary level for women in Alaska? You’re telling me that the only sex education that you support is abstinence only (even though that has proven to be nothing but a complete failure on every level). And you’re telling me that you will work to support women’s rights with these standpoints? Because I just want to be clear.

I don’t hate conservative people and I surely think they sometimes have valid viewpoints. But I only respect HONEST conservatives who extol their REAL viewpoints. Truth be told, I know that sex education, abortion and women’s rights as a whole are not popular issues this time around. Certainly not when our economy is tanking, we are in two wars and the morale of the country is at an all-time low. But is it too much to ask to be given “straight talk”? I mean, no one is begging her to take on the large cross that is modern feminism. So don’t insult my intelligence by telling me that you’re helping me, and my sister and my friends by hoping to overturn Roe vs. Wade, Don’t lie to me and tell me that you are hoping to encourage and inspire young women by refusing to educate them about sex, sending them off into the world with misinformation and ignorance and then cut off all funding when they return with burgeoning bellies, low self-esteem, no education and no support system.

Just tell me the truth: you don’t believe in abortion. You don’t believe in sex education. You don’t believe women deserve equal pay, or equal rights for that matter. And then let me tell you: a McCain/ Palin administration would be a very scary place for women.

Here are the facts: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cecile-richards/add-womens-health-to-the_b_131186.html

And here is the best song I’ve heard in a LONG, LONG time…

check it out:

I have a stomach of steel.  Like Jerry Seinfeld, I rarely throw up.  I have never thrown up from drinking too much, or even from a hangover.  I just am blessed with the crippling nausea that accompanies one.  

The last time I vommed was the summer of 2002.  Prior to then, I was on a 10 year no-puke streak.  My dad had grilled Wahoo, a fish related to a King Mackerel from the local fish store.  I had never experienced a problem prior to that faithful night, but come 1:00 AM, when I was clutching the bowl, I cursed the day Wahoo first graced the ocean’s waves with its presence.  It also didn’t help that my mother was yelling at me because she thought I had gone out drinking and had over-served myself.

No, Mother.  I didn’t drink too much, it is food poisoning.  I blamed Dad.

Which leads me to my current situation.  This morning, I went for the V8 Juice for breakfast but it appeared thicker than the consistency I am used to.  I asked my Dad if V8 Juice could spoil.  He said no, smelled it and tasted it.  Reports came back all clear.

After I finished my glass of juice, I commented on how it was saltier than usual.  His response…”I wonder if you have to refrigerate V8 after you open it?”

Oh, great.  This particular container of V8 Juice was from the Bears game Sunday night and was probably left out for, oh, 8-10 hours.  Through the drive to Soldier Field, through tailgating (which is endless with my Dad and his friends), then from the entire game and back.

In the words of the current Leader of the Free World, “There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.”  He said that in 2002, the year of the last time I threw up.

I don’t feel so hot. 

So recently, I have become a HUGE fan of the Sci-Fi Channel and A&E.

Shows such as Destination Truth, Ghost Hunters, Paranormal State and Psychic Kids: Children of the Paranormal really make me happy.  I get sucked into a void of the mystical and beyond weirdness only to neglect the rest of the world.

It probably started with the Ghostbuster movies.  My little brother lived in one of those felt Ghostbuster jumpsuits you could get at Walgreens or Walmart.  Those were the movies we watched incessantly and he event named his cat Ghostbuster.  Her name later morphed into Buster, then BeeWee and in her later years Gweneviere.  Don’t ask.

Now, I can’t get enough of the Thermal Cameras, EMF (Electro Magnetic Field) Readings, EVPs (Electronic Voice Phenomena).  But where are the proton packs?

Right now, I am watching the guys on the third floor radio to another (female) colleague.  However, when asking her if SHE screamed, they said “Heather, did you scream?  We just heard a man scream.”  It’s okay Heather. I have a deeper voice too.  I even have a friend that tells me every time I say the word handsome, I sound like a tranny.

Seriously, I just love it!  These guys on the show are former plumbers, college students and gay “psychics.”  How do they fall into this job? 

As quoted from the Sci-Fi website (www.scifi.com) “Jason Hawes created The Atlantic Paranormal Society, or TAPS, with fellow plumber Grant Wilson. “  and  “When Grant Wilson‘s not hunting or plumbing, he’s whipping together an authentic Italian dish.”  It doesn’t get better than that for reality TV.  Screw Survivor, ANTM, Amazing Race and all that other crap.

The one I am watching right now is showing “someone” communicating to the ghost hunters.  A woman from the 1940’s in an abandoned train station.  They have a live one people.  “Golly, I’ll tell ya!”

I’m not going to lie though; I would not be as willing to crawl into dark crevices to explore an area that could, in addition to being haunted, have black widow spiders. Those things kill.

Poltergeists, ghosts and hauntings; OH MY!  Talk about total single sister behavior…

M. – Where are you when I need you?